I'm actually kind of excited about the Mariners pitching staff. My excitement is not based on any sort of objective assessment of the players, but that's because I've gotten a sense that object analysis might leave me feeling slightly less optimistic.

Let's have a look at the highlights of the rotation.


Félix Hernández. King Felix. Three months younger than me, but somehow has managed to become the future savior of the Mariners. Kind of makes a girl feel like she should do something with her life. Anyway. He lost a little weight this off-season which I think speaks well for his work ethic. I want him to crush all the go before him. Honestly, I just want a legitimate ace in our rotation. Please hit your stride Mr. Hernández, I'd appreciate it very much.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that you heard that Jeff Weaver is a terrible pitcher. But stop. Look at him. Look at his hair. He has a mullet. Do you remember the last Mariner's pitcher to have a mullet? Think hard. You remember that tall, funny looking guy called Randy Johnson? I predict that Jeff Weaver is going to have a career year, surprising fans across the nation. As long as he doesn't get a hair cut.


I don't know yet if Miguel Batista is a good pitcher, but I do know that the dude writes mysteries and poetry in his spare time. Playing baseball and writing books--he's truly living dream. Here's hoping his pitching is good enough to help the Mariners.

In other news, the first Mariners spring training game is tomorrow. I'm so excited that I occasionally do little dances while I walk around the house. Baseball, I missed you.